Motherhood

Kids. When do they stop being your kids? When they were little I remember thinking about how when they got older, this problem or that problem would go away. I was right, they did go away, but there were always new little ones to take the place of the old ones. They seemed to get bigger along with the kids.

I’m writing this from a mother’s perspective, I can’t speak to that of a father, but, I’m thinking it can’t be very different. Under the umbrella of the mother’s perspective is step-kids, grand-kids, and similar, but not quite as strong, siblings kids, and friends’ kids. I suppose that at 50 years old, with kids 30 years old, who have kids 10 years old, it just goes on and on. And backwards too, I forgot to mention the parents of 70, who are just one generation back with exactly the same perspective.

I see my adult "children" as they experience some of the really tough things life has to offer and I want to fix it. As I watch them struggle, I want to take it away, give them a cookie or put on a band-aid and have them smile and forget about it. Life is trickier than that.

I want to tell them what they "should do" according to my thoughts and perspective, but they have their own thoughts and perspectives and they need to be happy with their own lives and choices. They know their personal situations, children, spouses intimately, while I only watch what they allow me to see. I only hear what they want to tell me. That’s as it should be. They are adults and if I’ve done my job of raising them to be adults, they can take care of themselves. They have to answer to themselves as they lay in bed at night thinking just before they go to sleep. But I still lay in bed at night and worry about them as if they were in the next room in a crib wearing diapers. That never goes away.

The flip side of the coin is that I cannot express my joy as I see them experience some of the wonders life has to offer. Like seeing them having their own children and watching this same feeling I describe today in them. Like seeing them watch proudly as they speak of their own children’s newly learned skills. Like seeing them achieving their goals and finding personal fulfilment in their education or their jobs.

I remember when I was in my teens and suffering the heartbreak of a break-up. There was a man who at that time seemed elderly, who worked with me. He told me that the road of life has ups and downs. You need the downs to appreciate the ups. How can you know what joy is if you don’t know sorrow? I have never forgotten that wisdom.

So as I helplessly watch my kids travelling the hills and valleys of life, I know the sun will come up tomorrow. Things will get better when they’re in the valleys and things look impossible, but they can expect a wonderful glimpse from the tops of the hills. They can anticipate the surprise of the curves and excitement of forks in the road on the way too. As a mother, I can only hope that I have taught them how to travel the road of life.