Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Ontario Driver's Handbook 2007 Updates

Time to review the Driver's Handbook!

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Ontario driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have of getting hit.

4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in your being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with P.Q. or Maritime plates. With no insurance, the other operator has nothing to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, boot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in
Ontario during rush hour, especially in the GTA.

9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that an Ontario driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. Ontario is the home of high-speed slalom-driving . . . thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts pot-holes in key llocations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.

12. It is tradition in Ontario to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move within three milliseconds of the light turning green.

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

14. Remember that the goal of every Ontario driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

15. In Ontario, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned.


Thank You From, The Ontario Registrar of Motor Vehicles

I'd like be so bold as to add another.

Should your brakes fail, don't worry about the other drivers on the road, or your passengers, any fool can stop a car with no brakes, in an emergency. ( Oh, wait, maybe that's just my family members!) Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

3 comments:

SusanE said...

It's just your family members.

(ps: don't you hate it when it takes 3 or 4 tries to get the word verification correct?)

Mr Gryper said...

There's nothing to fear but fear its self------aand the boogie man of course.

Anonymous said...

WOW.