Fiddling Granny: Life's Mysteries

Monday, June 16, 2008

Life's Mysteries

You know the drill, you have company coming, so you clean up so it looks like you give a rat's ass about your home. You clean the washrooms and you sweep and wash the floors. The kitchen gets some special attention 'cause people are going to be eating and you don't want to gross them out.

Then, as your guests are helping you in the kitchen with stuff, this traitor betrays you by showing her bitchy side.

Where does this stuff come from??

So here we are, I have no guests planned for the next while, so she looks all pretty and innocent. Bitch!

1 comment:

Cherylinn said...: I've often wondered where that stuff comes from myself....If only I'd noticed it yesterday. damn!; 8:51 a.m., June 16, 2008

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THE ONGOING ODE TO CHERYL

Only you ..... could pull off that kind of a trick,

Only you ..... could pierce your thumb with a pick.

You can hardly stand the pain in your hand

And the swelling's unbearable too ...

We think you're accident prone,

You're hilarious, you one and only you.

Only you ..... would run with your arms in your shirt,

Only you ..... would forget that you could get hurt.

While all tied up in your clothes, your knees took the blows,

And left shoulder got whack number two.

We think you're accident prone,

You're hilarious, you one and only you.

Only you ..... would fight a horse in the barn.

You had to know ..... you would come to some harm,

There's no need for fussin', o'er a little concussion,

Smashed eyeglasses and a blackened eye too.

We think you're accident prone,

You're hilarious, you one and only you.

Only you ... were late for making horse "mush"

Only you ... weren't careful because of the rush

You fell and scalded your arm, and your shoulder's come to harm,

The banana's been traumatized too

We think you're accident prone,

You're hilarious, you one and only you.

Only you ... could somehow injure your hip

Only you ... wouldn't remember the bump or the slip

So you're going to see Laura, who'll adjust you some more

If she can puzzle out what she needs to do

We think you're accident prone,

You're hilarious, you one and only you.

Only you ... would sit that close to the fire

Notice John ... hasn't let your insurance expire

Trying to go up in flames, it is really quite lame

Now the woodstove's all covered with goo

We think you're accident prone,

You're hilarious, you one and only you.

Only you ..... would snowshoe alone in the trees.

Only you ..... would forget how you fell on your knees.

We thought you should know, you should walk on the snow

And and not try to dance the "old soft shoe"...

We think you're accident prone,

You're hilarious, you one and only you.

Only you ..... would take a whack in the eye,.

From a branch, as you were passing by.

Only silly asses would take off their glasses,

When they're bushwacking on their snowshoes.

We think you're accident prone,

You're hilarious, you one and only you.

Only you ..... would slip and fall on your arse.

Only you ..... would injure so many parts.

Oh you didn't know there was ice under the snow,

And that hubby was watching you too.

We think you're accident prone,

You're hilarious, you one and only you.

Only you ... wouldn't leave the bottle on the table

Only you ... would try to carve off the label

What kind of a fool, Would use the knife as their tool,

Now you've sliced your thumb muscle in two

We think you're accident prone,

You're hilarious, you one and only you.